It is I who I don't trust

"I like you because you are smart" becomes "It is tiring talking to you".

"I like you because you are spontaneous" becomes "I am tired period".

"I like you because you are funny" becomes "Stop whining, it's boring".

Behind this mask lies a very insecure self. She is at loss at why her perceived strengths would turn out to be burdens and cumbersome to handle.

Her attempts to banter are often taken as criticisms and annoyance. Is the poker face too poker-ed?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....................

Pain

She held his hand and waited...

Waiting to hear his rhythmic breathing...

He's finally asleep.

There will be no more pain for tonight.

For a moment she wished she would be able to take away his anguish

That he would be able to breathe freely and feel the warmth of the sun.

Yet

She understood pain, she knew how it tend to lurk in the shadows.

She stared into darkness and waited...

Waiting for her pain to end for the night.

And now it's June

The song “对的人” played continuously in the background and it suddenly occurred to me that it's been 5 months.

My heart is finally at a state of peaceful bliss.

The nightmares have finally stopped and fortunately there's little evidence of the hurt left.

E said he's lucky to be able to share my moment of liberation. And I thought I am the lucky one.

Time doesn't really heal. It simply numbs the pain momentarily so that one can clear the head and gain a sharper perspective. The actual recovery can then begin.

For a good part of my life I have been seeking the one whom I can trust with my heart... Who I ask "If I give you my heart, will you promise to take care of her and protect her from all harm?"

Finally I realised I am the one who should be protecting my heart. To keep her from harm's way, to hold her close and to shield her from lies and pretence.

I do, however think it's been a rather colourful life so far. Maybe not the best nor one that's decked with achievements, still, it's been one heck of a ride :)