Sometimes I forget...

To be a little weak

To be a little more ignorant

To be a little less headstrong

To be less determined...

Sometimes I should remember...

To do less

To ask for help

To say I cannot

So that I will have more energy to...

think more, love more, laugh more and appreciate more.

I really miss the blue sky, the salty air and the gentle ocean breeze...

CG

The silly girl left me a scarf today.

If only she knew no gifts in the world would be more greater than seeing her smile yesterday..

If only she realised that my greatest pride was to see how she had bravely fought for what she believed to be important.. and stuck on to her decision till the end...

And that I am going to miss her...

Let me be free

Tell me what it feels like to be free

To think freely... To know what I think are my thoughts and not because I need to be in sync with someone else.

To act freely... To realise that my choice and course of actions are mine and not because I need to keep pace with someone else's life and expectations.

I only wanted to be free...

I am in the mood for....

Everybody's Changing by Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Oh
Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

Green Eyed Monster

I eventually got jealous.

With all the logic and sense I have in my head, I still can't tame that demon in my head. I can't shake that jealousy out of my system.

In my tired and vulnerable state, I wish someone would give me some attention and spoil me. I wish someone would notice that I too have a headache and would fuss over me.

I wish he realised that I really need a hug without me asking for one... to realise that in being there for everyone, I too need someone to be there for me.

The best bit, I actually got upset with myself for feeling this way.

Are you my fan?

I couldn't stop smiling when I recall an incident today.

I found a cup of iced tea on my desk with a note "Enjoy!". I didn't know who it was from and decided to ask Z if he saw anyone putting it there. He replied "Oh, it must be either X or E" and added "E is your fan".

In my attempt to act blur, I asked "Fan? Why?" He concluded by saying that E seemed to be buying quite a few things for me to eat. (Hmm.. Really??)

Then he recounted this time when E came by my desk and was searching for something. He was amused that E was actually looking for chocolates at my place. I couldn't help but laughed.

I think we are so going to be busted. It's just a matter of which point we are going to tip!

It's still so funny when I think about it.

Hold Hands

There's something intimately sweet about holding hands.

It is a simple gesture that says so much.

It transmits the feelings of a person to another without saying a word. It reflects the intensity of the emotions shared between 2 persons without any one of them revealing their intentions or desires. It demonstrates the warmth of one to the other.

I guess as I get older, I treasure more the moments when someone holds my hand. I will recall the sense of touch, the warm feeling when he reached out and hold my hand. That alone is enough to warm my day ahead....

Dear old Calvin

"You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood."

"What mood is that?"

"Last minute panic"

~ Calvin and Hobbes

Shadows

There are shadows even in the night.

There are times when I thought I have finally shaken them off, only to see them again lurking in the corner, waiting to haunt my memories.

I wish I can forget.

Forget how vulnerable I used to feel, forget how angry I could get, forget how hurtful I could become.

Perhaps they served as a reminder to the consequences when I allowed myself to fall into despair and stop believing. I would be lying if I were to say that I am not afraid. I am. There are no certainties in my future and I wonder where all these free-spiritedness is going to lead me.

Am I on the extreme end of the pendulum? Or am I finally at my equilibrium?

Will I finally be at peace and learn to live with my mistakes and past?

Will I eventually learn to forgive myself?

Pillow Search

I think searching for the perfect pillow is like trying to find the ideal mate.

You think you know what you are looking for but it takes hours of searching and trying before you find one with the just right height, firmness and feel.

And so happily you brought it home.

You probably envision how a blissful night sleep will be like, how energized you ought to feel the next morning and how you found the solution to all the sleepless nights.

Right...

Do we always get it right the first time? Or do we try the pillow for weeks, hoping it will become the one we hope, the one that will take away the lethargy we feel in our bones? How long do we keep trying until we realise there can be no better pillow or recognise that it is just not the one for us?

So, will finding the ideal mate make us feel blissful every night? Make us feel the spring in our stride and perhaps we finally feel less afraid because for once we seem to have the answers to all our questions.