I remembered my first thrown pot. It is a small green bowl that I use to put my sauces or condiments. It is off centred and I often say that there are baby fats at various parts of the pots.
Perhaps after a few years of throwing, I may have done bigger and more beautiful bowls than that, but it remains to be the pot of most sentimental value. It reminds me of my first struggle with clay, the frustration and the lack of ability. Every step is a conscious and deliberate effort to control and manage the clay. Nowadays there is little thought in the coordination of hands, eyes and foot. It has become a skill ingrained in the mind, just like cycling.
I remembered some years back, someone asked if she could have one of my flawed pots. Interestingly, she told me that she wanted one so that it will remind her of imperfections in life and still seeing the beauty in it. I obliged. She asked me then what was the flaw of my pot. It was then I realised that in our eyes, we are often so critical of things we do. All the little flaws are magnified in our eyes and we do not see the beauty. However, it is more often than not that these flaws are overlooked by others. In their eyes, they only noticed the perfection and beauty. I guess we will just have to liven up a little and take things easy.
Monday, May 31, 2004
Sunday, May 30, 2004
What's That Called Again?
Has this ever happened to you? Someone asked you a question and you knew you obviously know the answer but it seemed to be at the tip of your tongue. A friend of mine asked me the street name of this dim sum place today. I could tell her the name of the restaurant, I could even picture that place in my mind but I couldn't tell her where it is.
It is amazing how some of our minds capture information in pictorial forms and store them that way. If I meet a person once, his / her face will be stuck in my memory for a while. Should I meet the person again, I can remember the face and probably the occasion when we met, but ask me the name... it simply eludes me.
Memory is such an intriguing thing. Perhaps if there's a chance, I would like to know more about it and how it works. How it can suppress traumatic events to the conscious mind and how it still give the same intense feelings when they are being remembered again.
It is amazing how some of our minds capture information in pictorial forms and store them that way. If I meet a person once, his / her face will be stuck in my memory for a while. Should I meet the person again, I can remember the face and probably the occasion when we met, but ask me the name... it simply eludes me.
Memory is such an intriguing thing. Perhaps if there's a chance, I would like to know more about it and how it works. How it can suppress traumatic events to the conscious mind and how it still give the same intense feelings when they are being remembered again.
Saturday, May 29, 2004
One More Week
One more week and finally the madness will be over... well at least no madness for a couple of weeks... I shan't be greedy.. a couple of weeks will be better than none.. though deep down inside I would like it to be over forever.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
The Waiting Game
An old friend told me some time ago that in life it is all about the waiting. Though we may not like it, but we have to wait for sometime for things to happen. The longer the wait, the better we will cherish and treasure it.
In this world of instant gratification, how many people are still willing to wait? How many people would want things their way with a snap of their fingers? Patience has perhaps been a forgotten virtue in this modern and fast paced society. Perhaps the question that many will ask is "Even if I am willing to wait, am I going to be rewarded for my patience, or will I lose out in the competition?" What kind of attitude should we adopt in life? The laid back and relax one or the go getter? If we are in a team and there is someone who is has the laid back and relax mentality or perhaps taking things slow and steady in his stride, are we patient enough to wait? or are we going to jump in and do things our way?
Should we wait and be patient.. how long should we wait till we realise some things are not going to happen? It is more like that isn't it? We wait and nothing happens and if we seize the moment it may backfire. This isn't easy.
Perhaps some may say this is a pessimistic point of view, or some may candidly say "don't think too much into it". It is precisely that we had hardly thought anything about anything, that we have drifted for so long. We do what others do, comforting ourselves that it is the norm, but isn't the norm some man has determined? I sometimes do think that as we get older, we think lesser. We get drawn into the adult game, the adult pursue and norms and we satisfy ourselves by rationalising that it is how life is. Such a defeatist statement. I almost cringed when someone said that to me. It is like that is the answer one should give when there is none.
In this world of instant gratification, how many people are still willing to wait? How many people would want things their way with a snap of their fingers? Patience has perhaps been a forgotten virtue in this modern and fast paced society. Perhaps the question that many will ask is "Even if I am willing to wait, am I going to be rewarded for my patience, or will I lose out in the competition?" What kind of attitude should we adopt in life? The laid back and relax one or the go getter? If we are in a team and there is someone who is has the laid back and relax mentality or perhaps taking things slow and steady in his stride, are we patient enough to wait? or are we going to jump in and do things our way?
Should we wait and be patient.. how long should we wait till we realise some things are not going to happen? It is more like that isn't it? We wait and nothing happens and if we seize the moment it may backfire. This isn't easy.
Perhaps some may say this is a pessimistic point of view, or some may candidly say "don't think too much into it". It is precisely that we had hardly thought anything about anything, that we have drifted for so long. We do what others do, comforting ourselves that it is the norm, but isn't the norm some man has determined? I sometimes do think that as we get older, we think lesser. We get drawn into the adult game, the adult pursue and norms and we satisfy ourselves by rationalising that it is how life is. Such a defeatist statement. I almost cringed when someone said that to me. It is like that is the answer one should give when there is none.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Peaceful Weekend
Haven't had this for a long time... A quiet and peaceful weekend. Got up this morning to go to work, shop for groceries, came home, took a luxurious nap....
I am glad for this weekend. I finally feel the peace and the satisfaction in my soul... the sense of freedom... of being able to do things as I like, as I please..
Definitely love the moment.
I am glad for this weekend. I finally feel the peace and the satisfaction in my soul... the sense of freedom... of being able to do things as I like, as I please..
Definitely love the moment.
Monday, May 17, 2004
Death
Today I started the morning receiving news about my colleague's father who had passed away during the weekend. I remembered 2 years ago, when she told me that he was diagnosed with cancer, my father in-law was in critical condition, also suffering from cancer.
It is strange how some emotions stayed with you even though it had been over so long. Today, I felt the same emotions as 2 years ago when I hurried back to see my father in-law. He was a robust and healthy man. Despite his age, he could outwalk and outpace me anytime and the doctor had described him as a bull. When I saw him again 2 years back I was taken aback at how the illness had taken a toll on him. He looked haggard and the energy was gone. He was in pain, constant pain. He couldn't eat anymore and he couldn't walk from his bed. Throughout the whole time, I thought he will pull out of it. He had been so healthy, he won't succumb to illness. It was too soon for him to go.
However, he left. I remembered trying very hard to accept that fact that he's no longer with us. It was awfully uncomfortable to be in the house where the spirit and memories of him were so much alive. I missed him and I never got over the fact that he was gone. I will never have the chance to know him better, love him more or even share anymore of those great times together.
Death was really something I couldn't understand. It is perhaps beyond my reasoning and sense. Questions like "will I see him again" and "why must it all end so abruptly" were in my head all the time. I was surprised when all these thoughts came flooding back to me. Perhaps I had shared some bond with my colleague, some common feelings as I too understood the struggle in the fight against cancer and how it pains us to see someone we love suffering in pain. I share her loss and I know, even though this is a long drawn illness, no one is ever prepared to see their loved ones go.
As the poem has aptly put it time does not bring relief. The feelings and pain can be just as strong but the memories can be just as good.
It is strange how some emotions stayed with you even though it had been over so long. Today, I felt the same emotions as 2 years ago when I hurried back to see my father in-law. He was a robust and healthy man. Despite his age, he could outwalk and outpace me anytime and the doctor had described him as a bull. When I saw him again 2 years back I was taken aback at how the illness had taken a toll on him. He looked haggard and the energy was gone. He was in pain, constant pain. He couldn't eat anymore and he couldn't walk from his bed. Throughout the whole time, I thought he will pull out of it. He had been so healthy, he won't succumb to illness. It was too soon for him to go.
However, he left. I remembered trying very hard to accept that fact that he's no longer with us. It was awfully uncomfortable to be in the house where the spirit and memories of him were so much alive. I missed him and I never got over the fact that he was gone. I will never have the chance to know him better, love him more or even share anymore of those great times together.
Death was really something I couldn't understand. It is perhaps beyond my reasoning and sense. Questions like "will I see him again" and "why must it all end so abruptly" were in my head all the time. I was surprised when all these thoughts came flooding back to me. Perhaps I had shared some bond with my colleague, some common feelings as I too understood the struggle in the fight against cancer and how it pains us to see someone we love suffering in pain. I share her loss and I know, even though this is a long drawn illness, no one is ever prepared to see their loved ones go.
As the poem has aptly put it time does not bring relief. The feelings and pain can be just as strong but the memories can be just as good.
Time Does Not Bring Relief
TIME does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, -- so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!
by Edna St. Vincent Millay
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear
To go, -- so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!
by Edna St. Vincent Millay
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Existence of Being
Have you ever stopped and greet someone Good Morning? Someone like the cleaning attendant or a fellow passenger in the elevator? Have you ever noticed the surprised look followed by a really pleasant response?
I guess it is like you have noticed their existence. I don’t know how to describe the feeling but when I see an elderly person still working, cleaning up places.. I often wonder shouldn’t they be enjoying life at this age? I do know however, they appreciated the morning greeting and they showed by responding back with such a brilliant smile and asking if you have eaten. It is indeed a typical Chinese way of asking about your well being but it definitely lightens up my day.
I vividly remembered that many years ago, I was doing Flag Selling at Raffles Place; the place that was bustling with activities and with heavy human traffic flow in the morning and evening. I went up to quite a few people, asking if they would like to donate to the particular charity organisation. I was shocked to see that so many would just walk by as though I didn’t exist, nor have I spoken. I was not expecting everyone to donate, but at least a response like shaking of head or some gesture. Instead it was a blank look on their faces as they hurried past. That experience had changed the way I feel about people and definitely towards people who sell flags as well. Now I make a point to respond to the request.
In work and in many stages of our lives, we seek recognition in some forms. At school, we want to be recognised for our efforts and hard work in the form of our results. At work, we want to be recognised for our contributions and talents. However, in all of us, there is definitely a need for recognition of our existence. Remember the movie “What Women Want” there was one lady who felt that she is non existent and people just walk through her? There are people like that in our lives. We should make a point to acknowledge their existence and all it takes is just a Good Morning.
I guess it is like you have noticed their existence. I don’t know how to describe the feeling but when I see an elderly person still working, cleaning up places.. I often wonder shouldn’t they be enjoying life at this age? I do know however, they appreciated the morning greeting and they showed by responding back with such a brilliant smile and asking if you have eaten. It is indeed a typical Chinese way of asking about your well being but it definitely lightens up my day.
I vividly remembered that many years ago, I was doing Flag Selling at Raffles Place; the place that was bustling with activities and with heavy human traffic flow in the morning and evening. I went up to quite a few people, asking if they would like to donate to the particular charity organisation. I was shocked to see that so many would just walk by as though I didn’t exist, nor have I spoken. I was not expecting everyone to donate, but at least a response like shaking of head or some gesture. Instead it was a blank look on their faces as they hurried past. That experience had changed the way I feel about people and definitely towards people who sell flags as well. Now I make a point to respond to the request.
In work and in many stages of our lives, we seek recognition in some forms. At school, we want to be recognised for our efforts and hard work in the form of our results. At work, we want to be recognised for our contributions and talents. However, in all of us, there is definitely a need for recognition of our existence. Remember the movie “What Women Want” there was one lady who felt that she is non existent and people just walk through her? There are people like that in our lives. We should make a point to acknowledge their existence and all it takes is just a Good Morning.
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Follow your Heart
Where does your heart take you to? What does your heart desire? Is it ever possible to do things to your heart desires.. or often we do things because it is socially acceptable and it is the norm? People often say that you have a choice in life.. To choose the path you want to walk on.. to make your decisions.. there will always be a choice.
As social beings... how many of us can actually do that? how often we judged people who take the road less travelled or perceive their importance in life to be different from the rest... and precisely we judged others.. we know we will too be judged on our actions and decisions.. Do you do certain things because they are right or do you do them because they are socially acceptable?
Many a times, I struggle with decision making and choices... as often my heart and head say different things... different opinions.. can I follow my heart? or TRY to make a rational decision? If only the heart can think for a change... or if the head can feel the pain, the dilemma..
As social beings... how many of us can actually do that? how often we judged people who take the road less travelled or perceive their importance in life to be different from the rest... and precisely we judged others.. we know we will too be judged on our actions and decisions.. Do you do certain things because they are right or do you do them because they are socially acceptable?
Many a times, I struggle with decision making and choices... as often my heart and head say different things... different opinions.. can I follow my heart? or TRY to make a rational decision? If only the heart can think for a change... or if the head can feel the pain, the dilemma..
A Dream
I had one of the strangest dream last night.. I dreamt that I was in some place... seemed like Australia.. and I wondering along the streets with a friend.. In a short time, the place filled with water and there were crocodiles everywhere.
Crocodiles?? probably alligators... but they looked the same to me.. there were some which lay absolutely still and there were some who are stirring from their slumber. I remembered in my dream that I was tip toeing around them, hoping not to awake anyone of them. One small (tiny) croc found its way onto my dress and I was desperately trying to wrestle it off... and of cos I was practically screaming away.
Dreams can be so unnerving sometimes. Especially when we don't know what they mean or suppose to mean... or has the mind translate the happenings in the day into something of a metaphor.. if only we can figure that out... the wonders of the mind
Crocodiles?? probably alligators... but they looked the same to me.. there were some which lay absolutely still and there were some who are stirring from their slumber. I remembered in my dream that I was tip toeing around them, hoping not to awake anyone of them. One small (tiny) croc found its way onto my dress and I was desperately trying to wrestle it off... and of cos I was practically screaming away.
Dreams can be so unnerving sometimes. Especially when we don't know what they mean or suppose to mean... or has the mind translate the happenings in the day into something of a metaphor.. if only we can figure that out... the wonders of the mind
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
