Working with Clay

I just came home from my weekly pottery class.  It is like my weekly get away from everyday's activities and hectic schedule.  I have become quite aware of how much I treasure this time working with my hands and working on a form with clay.

 

There were days when it was frustrating, when I was unsatisfied with the pots that has turned out.  It seemed to be more often these days.  I took a moment today to think about it.  I only managed to turn three pots (most likely bowls) today.  I didn't get to throw and strangely, I was relucant to throw.  I didn't want to throw another bowl or a vase.  I wanted to think about a form that I would like to work on and develop.  Perhaps I am demanding more from myself.  Perhaps I would like to push the ideas beyond the usual functional wares that I have made. 

 

I spent yet again some time today looking through a pottery book on pinching.  I marvel at how the potter worked with such dedication and committment in developing a skill.  He had come up with such creative and interesting forms while using the most basic skill that all of us would have gone through - Pinching...  Who would have known that the very first pot we made, the ugly looking bowl,  could turn out to be something totally exciting and refreshing if we continue to work on that skill.

 

I left class today not feeling disappointed that I have not thrown anything.  I felt good.  I know that I am not interested in throwing as many pots as possible, I want to have pieces that I can say... that's my pot. 

To love or not to love

I read someone's blog and I thought perhaps I could write something about what was written.  He mentioned about fear of loving, fear of getting to know someone better as to quote "love changes expectations and expectations often fail".  He felt that he's often giving more and others often fail his expectations.

 

I don't know.  Do we feel like that all the time too?  Do we even think about anything before loving someone or getting to know someone better?  I ponder on it... and I looked within myself asking this question.. " Do I often put my feelings on a balance and would want the other person to put in the same?"  Is it like that?

 

Someone once commented that for someone whose nick is lookbeforeuleap, I certainly don't think much before I plunge into anything new... I would like to say it is the same for love.  I have never thought much about loving someone.. I just take the plunge.  Needless to say, and probably foolish, I get hurt and disappointed quite often.  However, does that mean I would weigh my odds before I love? No.  I am quite sure of that.  Perhaps in that case I am a poor gambler.. somehow the idea of associating love with gambling is rather crude... but I guess I am quite a risk taker with love.  Perhaps romantically, I still believe that love conquers all.  When there is love there is always hope and life.

 

I remembered when I was fifteen, someone once said "To love, you need to be loved".  It need not be from the very person you love, it could be anyone but the idea is that you need to be nourished to have the capability to show love to someone else.  Open the heart and there will be many possiblities.  Is that what they call passion? 

 

To my dear friend, I hope you will have the courage to love and to put your heart out and let others have a chance to love and be loved.

A Thought About Our Lives

Today we were told of the 'exciting' developments at our workplace.  We are exploring the possibilities of doing video conferencing in school and networking with other organisations.  As much I wonder in awe of the development of technology today and how it has allowed us to know more about our world, I also question how it has complicated our lives.

Do you remember the last time you went out without a single piece of technology on you?  Almost everyone has a mobile phone these days and it is even considered old fashion to have a phone that only allows you to make phone calls and sending smses.  The salesperson told me that to have a camera in the phone is a basic feature these days.

Are we busier these days because of the things we have?  Are we under more pressure as well as we are now more contactable and therefore can be "reachable" whenever some work matters arise.  Do you recall the last time you forgot to reply your email and someone got terribly cross with you?

We have become less patient these days.  Everything must be prompt, everyone must be reachable (even when you are on holiday) and every query must be answered immediately.  Whatever happened to snail mail?  The pleasure and excitement when one received a snail mail is nothing compared to an email or for that matter a sms.  This is because it represents the sender's sincerity and the effort put into the writing especially the sending involves more than just clicking onto the SEND button.

I recall reading in an article before about how important it is for us not to be attached to things we have.  It is with much dismal to see that we are very attached to the technology we are having in our lives.  People feel lost when they cannot access their emails, people feel uneasy when they forget to take their mobile phones with them that day.  Perhaps an occasional blackout is good.  It will remind us that the basic things in life can be enjoyable too.

 

Meeting the Family

Remember the boy who passed away in June?  I went to meet his family today with a colleague.  It was a visit we have postponed many times, each of us in our own way were uncertain if we feel comfortable meeting them.  It is really hard to describe this feeling ... but it is fear of not knowing what to say and if we would say the appropriate things.
 
When we arrived, we were given the same warm welcome like the last few times.  The difference is that we are not visiting a boy who is sick.  He is no longer with us.  What do you say to the family in this situation?  My colleague had many questions he wanted to ask but was afraid that it would not be appropriate.  We were both afraid that feelings that were long buried.. and kept buried, would be dug up unnecessarily.
 
We spoke briefly about our loss.... about our memories of the boy... about what he left us with... the courage to live... the optimism in facing his obstacles... and fighting till the end.  Though for reasons we can't fathom, we know, there are reasons why he came and touch our lives.  He had shown us how we should live our own lives.... as Alex says that we should treasure those who are still around... how true... a young life to remind us that we should be thinking about what we are doing in our lives and what we have forgotten to do... 
 
Say to someone who matters to you that you appreciate them being around.. being who they are..... being there to touch your life and make you who you are....
 
I guess this is some form of closure for me... In some ways I felt the peace in the house..... the acceptance that it had happened...  yet knowing that he was very much alive in our memories. 

Fate

I must write this down before I forget it.
 

Fate is opportunity meeting preparation

Fund Raising

Most of the 30 pots were sold today. Response was much better than I expected. People were generally surprised that I did so many of them.. They were even more surprised when they realised that I have more pots at home and I have been doing pottery for 5 years.

Would they find it strange or amaze that someone has been jogging regularly for 5 years? Has our busy schedule in our lives made it so difficult for us to commit to anything for long term? I was rushing again for my pottery session. I remembered telling someone that I will probably kill myself trying to do all that... I know somehow if I stop or miss some sessions, I will not be able to pick up the momentum again. It will be difficult and I will be overwhelmed by many other things around me.  Seeing them being sold and appreciate by the buyers, I know this is worth it.

One of the Pieces

One of my favourite piece that had been sold last year. Happened to chance upon it while looking through my album. I am glad someone had liked it. It is the only one with such unique textture and glaze.
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My Pots

I was packing 30 of my pots last night for a fund raising sale. It was with great reluctance that I went through this process. I just couldn't bear to let them go.

Throughout the packing, I went back and forth, deciding which are the ones I want to sell and which are the ones I would want to keep. The decision was certainly not an easy one. As much as I would like to keep the nicer ones for myself, I couldn't sell the ones that aren't good enough. However I must remember that there may be people who like the ones I don't.

I guess I should take comfort that the pots will be used and well appreciated by those who buy them.

Let's talk

What do you tell someone when she told you that her father was diagnosed with second stage of cancer? I couldn't find the words. I knew nothing I say will ease the burden of the heart. Nothing will take away the fear of what's to come. Nothing can comfort the aching heart.

I guess experience does change our perception and feelings towards certain things in life. Perhaps it taught us empathy and it makes the phrase "I know how you feel" more credible. We often don't really know how another person feels... because no two experiences are identical. They may be similar but never identical. So how can one know EXACTLY how the other person feels? Not to mention that it is rare to find two persons who feel the same intensity towards a particular issue.

Human beings are complex in nature. In some ways it made life interesting and to some extent challenging. Just relating with people takes skills (a variety of them) and yet looking back you will realise there is still plenty to learn... plenty to improve on. I am unhappy with the quality of the relationships with the people around me. I have learnt so little about them. Learnt so little about what's going on in their lives... what excites them...

Perhaps we should all take a moment to ponder the quality of the relationships we have. Were our best relationships the ones we had during our school days .. when we were able to talk endlessly about anything under the sky... or sharing our dreams over a packet of fries and they seemed to last throughout the whole afternoon. No rush... no judgement...