Pencil Fans

I didn't realise my pencils could attract compliments.

Z said "Even the pencils you use show character".

Maybe I should get a bunch of pink ones for him...

你会记得吗？

多年以后，

你是否还会记得

你爱我的理由？

你是否会怀念现在的日子？

还是一切只是过眼云烟，时间久了我们都渐渐地忘记。。。

忘了你怎么逗我笑，

忘了我们对彼此的想念，

忘了爱对方的理由。

这就是人生吗？

10 Reminders

1. Walk away from others' monkeys. We all have our battles to fight.

2. Remember to be.

3. Remember to love and laugh. If cooking is an expression of love, then cook a storm and feed the masses.

4. Remember one's dream and promises to keep - I must love myself.

5. Remember to respect another's dreams.

6. Remember pain lasts for a fleeting moment. Sometimes love too.

7. Remember to trust life.

8. Remember to be true to oneself.

9. Remember some things are not for meant to keep.

10. Remember to let go when the time comes.

A long term commitment to a short term relationship

Four months ago I hit rock bottom and I didn't know how to crawl my way up.

For days I cried myself to sleep, felt my heart ached, pictured myself sitting all alone on the edge of the cliff and I couldn't reach out.

Then an angel came and sat quietly next to me. He placed his hand on my shoulder and waited patiently.

Finally my tears dried up and the aching stopped.

He figured someone needed to give me a break. So one day he sat me down and brought me lunch. Offered me a drink and napkin when I finished... He didn't realise how much his little gesture meant to me, how it comforted my soul. Some time later, over another's desk, he told me about how he needed to run to purge negativity out of his system, about his bipolar tendencies... and I thought someone needed to give him a break.

So between here and there something clicked.

I am drawn to his kindness and it makes me want to be better to him. Despite him telling me that this is going to be a short term relationship, for once, I just want to love someone who truly deserves my love.

And I believe that's all that really matters.

Nightmares

Some thoughts are still deeply embedded within.

So deeply etched in my mind that when I sleep, they still continue to haunt me, evoke the feelings of humiliation and pain.

I fear to allow myself to fully depend on anyone.

I fear to allow myself to believe every flattery whole heartedly.

I guess like most nightmares... the heart pounding moments will stop when one wakes up and sees reality as it is.

Would you dance?

I feel we are dancing.

We dance around each other

Occasionally tip toeing,

sometimes gliding

and other times simply trying to mirror the other's moves.

Yet how do we mirror the other when the other is trying to do the same?

I guess I care a lot about how he feels.

I am afraid to take him for granted

and I constantly think about his needs while trying to balance with my insecurities.

So I keep looking out for his expressions, wondering if I have unwittingly stepped out of line.

I guess he cares a lot about how I feel.

He keeps thinking ahead of how I may react to something he may say

and then try to preempt it by countering another response

So he keeps listening to my replies, wondering if he said something out of line.

In retrospect, we are hilarious.

Because we can take a whole night to assure each other and still wonder if we will say something inappropriate the next moment.

Putting in perspective, we haven't really known each other that long.

Yet, the familiarity feels otherwise.

So we toggle between getting to know each other in depth,

and testing out our boundaries...

While I wonder if I will mess it up this time... again.