Finally I felt freedom, peace and bliss. It is liberating indeed and I hold this strong belief that I now know I do not need answers, but I need to constantly question. Question about life, about myself, about what is really important and what really matters. There will be no answers to these questions yet I now know somehow, somewhere I will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It will always turn out well, somehow.
So why do I push myself so hard?
Why do I find something to be so unhappy about? Am I incapable of just being always blissful? Why do I go search for issues that question my ability in my job? I can and perhaps I should just go with the flow and do things as they are done...
But no.
I got to have this anal habit of digging my hooves and being stubborn about how some things ought to be... of trying to keep this level of expectation which seems even beyond my reach.
Sigh....
Why do I push myself so hard? M asked why am I so hard on myself?
Do I secretly despise being mediocre? Or perhaps I am afraid I will become one of the insignificant average?
Perhaps I am more ambitious than I care to admit.
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