Silence

These days I have been avoiding people. I realised that I am reluctant to be with people. I prefer to be alone, prefer to be left with my own thoughts... Not that I have much to think about. Yet, when I come home, welcoming the peace, the sense of emptiness hits me. I had felt terribly lonely.

Loneliness is a state of mind. One can be alone and yet not be lonely. I haven't felt like this for a long time. I had always yearned to be alone.... never quite expecting to feel lonely. I haven't figured out how to overcome it. My first impulse reaction was to find someone to go out with... but my heart isn't quite in it... then I realised, I had resisted it. I was reluctant to make that call, take that move. Am I willing myself to be lonely? Perhaps. Am I allowing myself to sink possibly deeper into the state of emptiness? Quite likely. I do know that I am not in a hurry to get out... though I am not too happy and comfortable at where I am either. It is like I want to mob around. I want to wallow in my own misery. I just want to be miserable.

I am fully aware that it has taken a toll on alot of my daily routines... I am not as prompt and am more tired with everything... then again.. I am going to let it be for the time being... Till I want to snap out of it.