Death

Today I started the morning receiving news about my colleague's father who had passed away during the weekend. I remembered 2 years ago, when she told me that he was diagnosed with cancer, my father in-law was in critical condition, also suffering from cancer.

It is strange how some emotions stayed with you even though it had been over so long. Today, I felt the same emotions as 2 years ago when I hurried back to see my father in-law. He was a robust and healthy man. Despite his age, he could outwalk and outpace me anytime and the doctor had described him as a bull. When I saw him again 2 years back I was taken aback at how the illness had taken a toll on him. He looked haggard and the energy was gone. He was in pain, constant pain. He couldn't eat anymore and he couldn't walk from his bed. Throughout the whole time, I thought he will pull out of it. He had been so healthy, he won't succumb to illness. It was too soon for him to go.

However, he left. I remembered trying very hard to accept that fact that he's no longer with us. It was awfully uncomfortable to be in the house where the spirit and memories of him were so much alive. I missed him and I never got over the fact that he was gone. I will never have the chance to know him better, love him more or even share anymore of those great times together.

Death was really something I couldn't understand. It is perhaps beyond my reasoning and sense. Questions like "will I see him again" and "why must it all end so abruptly" were in my head all the time. I was surprised when all these thoughts came flooding back to me. Perhaps I had shared some bond with my colleague, some common feelings as I too understood the struggle in the fight against cancer and how it pains us to see someone we love suffering in pain. I share her loss and I know, even though this is a long drawn illness, no one is ever prepared to see their loved ones go.

As the poem has aptly put it time does not bring relief. The feelings and pain can be just as strong but the memories can be just as good.